Reblog: i forbid you...DO NOT Fall In Love

My goal in life was to be married by age 22. I sometimes ask God: “Why did you not MAKE ME meet my Forever Love earlier? I could have been spared all the heartaches and misery I have had to deal with for years”!

I can only imagine God giving me this lopsided grin, saying : “Well, well, well… really?”

(*wide grin*)  I guess God has a point.

You see, for the longest time, I dreamt of finding the internationally renowned – “The One”.  Every guy who came my way was seriously considered to be “The One”.  I was made to fall in love.  I wanted to be a bride since I was four!  Surely my Forever Love is this guy – or the next – or the next?

Gratefully, I found my Forever Love when I stopped hoping to just FALL IN LOVE. Let me elaborate.

Through the long and painful years of singlehood, I no longer believe in FALLING in love. My dear single friends, forgive me for bringing you this awful truth: TO FALL IN LOVE is not the end of “The Search”.  Neither is it its purpose.  Love is not an accident.  Accident is this: you were walking down the street; and with no warning, you “fall” into a manhole – that is what FALLING is (I know, tragic, right?). No wonder it hurts so much after “falling” in love. You fall from heights of expectations that are just too unreal.  Ask yourself this: Do you wish to Fall in Love, or do you want TO LOVE?

TO BE in love is never by accident.  It is a deliberate, conscious choice to love. Even Falling in Love, as most of you young ones say, is not just some random event. To Fall in Love means you either INTENTIONALLY looked too closely, stood over the edge, enabling you to most possibly – fall. You still made a choice.  You most likely spent too much time with the person; you made yourself available; you allowed your imagination run wild after he asked you if you believe in destiny, when he was simply curious if you are.  You do not wake up suddenly in love.  You walk your way to it.  You allowed yourself to walk at the edge; and eventually you will, you do, fall.

Love is not a force that breaks your will as if you have no power over it. True love does not make you weak or helpless.  In fact, it ought to make you strong; stronger than you ever were.  True love should be strong enough to become the foundation of something greater than yourselves, not a fragile steep ladder to fall from.  Love is birthed by the will to love freely, with no boundaries, with no solid reason, but just… because.  It is not love when one is simply carried by the wind, with notions of candy-colored dreams.

Forgive me for this cliché; but love is indeed A CHOICE. True love needs neither provocation nor reward. Feelings, seasons, and unfortunately, people – they change all the time! Where then would you anchor love?  You love by commitment, not by some form of gravity. You jump into it both feet, with both eyes wide open.

Love is not magic at all. Love is very real. Love is embracing all that he or she is, even after you learn that ‘The One” actually passes gas… with sounds.  Love is when he can no longer wash his behind and you have to do it for him.  Love is seeing her dimpled smile – at her newborn child. Love is so divinely appointed it has been planned by your Maker before you were even a thought.  Love is a miracle, not magic.

I am not taking the romance out of love. In fact, romance should be the fruit of love, and not the other way around.  Real Romance comes from genuine love.  It should not be love coming out from thoughts of romance.

Someday. when you are ready to love, you will then understand why you had to fall for all the Mr. Wrongs you have had. You will see why all the love you thought you had had to be taken away from your hands.  You will know why it took foreeeever to find This One. You will know why you had to be broken, tattered, and remolded – and then meet This One.  In time, you will not just jump into love.  You shall hold somebody’s hand and walk in love.

I forbid you!  Do not aim to fall in love.  Do not just listen to your heart. The heart is deceitful above all things. Listen to the God of your Heart. Guard your heart. You are worthy to be sought, to be prepared for, and to be made completely whole just as you are.  When you are ready (and someday you will be), you will not just “fall in love”. You WILL LOVE; and finally, truly, be loved in return.